I was talking to my friend Tom today. He is married to my friend Cat. They just moved to Dunedin with their two blue-eyed, blonde-haired children, bought a beautiful house and an adorable puppy, and promptly became the family that every other family in the world wants to be like, or at least be friends with. Sometimes it’s hard to relate to people who seemingly have it so ‘together’.
So naturally, I was delighted when Tom said that their puppy had developed the habit of peeing whenever it got excited.
I was so intrigued that the moment we got off the phone I conducted some extensive internet research, and discovered the fascinating canine world of " Excitement Urination".
Which was actually slightly disappointing, as it seems to be quite a normal phase for puppies to go through, before they turn back into perfect dogs again.
But then I read that excitement urination can be a slippery slope into "Submission Urination".
Which is far more interesting, due to its viciously cyclical nature.
It goes something like this: The insecure dog desperately wants to please its master and submit to its every command. Sometimes the dog will communicate its submission by urinating in the presence of this revered figure. The master thinks the dog is being naughty, and tries to discipline the dog back to submission. So the dog submits to the master by peeing some more. Punishment, pee. More punishment, more pee. Everyone ends up sad and dirty.
Apparently a good way to help solve this problem is to get down on all fours to make yourself appear less dominant to the dog. Also you should give it lots of encouragement to boost its confidence.
So now, when I think of Tom and Cat in their dream house down in Dunedin, I imagine them crawling around on the floor chanting affirmations to their weak-bladdered dog.
And for some reason, that kind of makes me feel better.